We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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