you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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