I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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