I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
