my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
