We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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