Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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