I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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