At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
