Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
