Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
