just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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