It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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