When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
