Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
