girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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