im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
