apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
