Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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