Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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