What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
