So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
