i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
