dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
