Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
