Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
