last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
