Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My feet surprised me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
