I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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