I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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