He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
