It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
