Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
