IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
