No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
