In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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