i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
