Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
