i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
