I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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