hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
