i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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