my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My cat gives me a boner
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
