Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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