with your own penis?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
