Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
