as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Are these your boobs on my camera?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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