Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
