I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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