if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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