Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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