so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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