I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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