My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Randomize
