She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Operation Purity has been aborted
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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