I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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